cycling home in my bubble I didn’t think twice about the sign on Townmead road for ‘elf Storage’, in this neck of town, on the edge of Chelsea Harbour, it didn’t strike me as strange, maybe the Russians need somewhere to store their elves. Nothing surprised me today. In my little bubble I was busy enjoying the spectacular self-destruction of Boris (autocorrects to virus) – like a shooting star he lit up the sky, skudded across our TV screens, burnt through the front pages of our newspapers. Now he is breaking up and fizzling out as he returns back down to earth. Probably with the knives of his Tory party peers still planted firmly between his shoulder blades. Bump.
You only had to see Boris in his un-victorious victory press conference, read his muddled article in The Telegraph and note his disappearance from the scene of the crime to know BoJo had lost his mojo. Looking drained, shell shocked, he doesn’t look like he has any appetite left for the fight.
And what a fight we have in store. Roll up, roll up. Buy your tickets now. No one does a nasty leadership contest like the Tories. Get ready for eye gouging, hair pulling, back stabbing, throat slitting, like an episode of Game of Thrones, except with more bloodshed, gore and shamelessly broken alliances.
Whereas the Labour’s leadership contests are amateurishly tame, laughably ham fisted and guaranteed to select the unelectable (with one recent notable exception: Blair). If Labour was able to elect a new leader that campaigned marginally left of centre, pledged to negotiate a return to the EU top table (on better terms than before – easy now that EU Leaders have realised that they don’t like it up them) and was suitably media savvy then they have the golden ticket to a stunning and unlikely return to No. 10 at an early General Election whilst the Tories stitch their self-inflicted wounds back together.
Small problem. Do they have that leader? A charismatic man/woman of the people? Someone who can maximise an opportunity, create momentum, generate the popular vote, please a crowd and cast aside their own principles in return for glory. Boris? Boris where are you? He couldn’t, could he? Jeremy Corbyn would be advised to reject all applications for Labour Party Membership from a Mr B. Johnson.